Best of the First 7 weeks of School

Teaching is HARD! In a lot of ways this internship is the hardest thing I have ever done! That being said, it is the best thing I have ever done. I love working with my bratty teenagers and trying to get them to care about literature and communication. I love talking to the other teachers and feeding off of their passion. But most of all, I love how these kids make me LAUGH!

In order to remember all of the funny things that happen in class, I have decided to compile a blog of the funny stuff they say. As we are seven weeks in, I will do my best to remember the highlights thus far.

1) Day 2: Juniors- we are learning about satire and so in an attempt to engage my students I showed a
clip by John Stewart about Super Pacs. I thought I had previewed and found it acceptable...but clearly I was wrong...I showed the clip in class and the word 'BONER' shoots across the screen and my students are DYING. Mortified I apologize and I. informs me that I can disable comments on youtube videos. WORST. TEACHER. EVER. Needless to say I have been much more thorough in my previewing of clips for class.



2) Freshman- Me: "We are going to write about things we are passionate about in our writer's notebooks. What are your hobbies? talents? What do you care about?"

M.: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Me: M., you are writing, not speaking.

M.: I am just telling so-and-so about my passions.

Me: M., be passionate to yourself.

I survey the rest of the class for a few seconds and turn back to M.. He is now stroking and petting himself.

Me: M.! Why are you not writing?!

M.: I am being passionate to myself.




3) Juniors- Me: "True sarcasm is mean! It is meant to be hurtful! Can somebody give an example of a truly sarcastic remark?"

J.: "I've got one."

Me: "Alright, let's hear it."

J.: "You are a good teacher."





4) Juniors: So, M. is a perpetuately tardy kid and we have had many battles. Everyday he goes off-campus to get food and every day he is late. Finally he has lunch detention and informs me before class that he is going to be there during lunch as required. In my mind I am stoked because he will be on time to class. Wrong. 20 minutes into class he walks in.

M.: "Sorry I am late Ms. Hammer."

Me: "Bogus. Why are you late? Didn't you go to detention?"

M.: "Yeah, but OBVIOUSLY I had to go get lunch after that."

Boooo....



5) Juniors: Again, another M. story. When M. is in class, he likes to sit around and do nothing, especially when asked.

Me: "M., why aren't you taking notes on your paper?"

M.: "I have summer brain, you know how it is."

THE NEXT CLASS:

Me: "Turn in your notes from last class."

M.: "What the crap!? We never did this in class! When did we do this?!"

Me: "We did it last class. I believe you told me that you had...what did you call it?... oh yes, summer brain."





6) Freshman: My students are cannibal-zombie weirdos!
(This occurred while being observed by my BYU professor...fan-FREAKING-tastic!)

"S., no biting other students." (yes, an exact quote)

THE NEXT CLASS:

S.: "Can I bite you?"

Me: "No, but I appreciate you asking."





7) Freshman:

Me: S. put away your phone or I will take it.

S.: "p-shaw"

10 minutes later

K.: "You should just take her phone now anyway. That is totally rude."

Me: "If I take it now, I will being going against my word. Don't worry though. I am positive that we have not seen the last of that phone in class today."

2 minutes later S.'s phone is out again.

Me: "S., phone."

S.: "Dang it!!"





8) An email I received from a concerned parent after using Miley Cyrus and society's consumption of her songs, videos, ect. as an example of satire:



 Ms. Hammer,
>>
>> I was just looking at the satire project for English. My heart sank when I saw that you used Miley Cyrus and her antics for the example. Here is why, my son and many other teenage boys are trying really hard to keep virtuous thoughts and their hormones under control. This is such a hard thing to do when immoral material is constantly thrown in front of your eyes. I agree with the point you are making about Miley and it is a good one. But perhaps picking a satiric situation that isn't loaded with so much sexual content. It sends confusing messages to boys and frankly to girls as well.
>>
>> Thanks for listening. I really appreciate and understand how much work you are doing to set up new curriculum. Thank you!
>>
>> Have a great weekend.
>>
>> J.H.

For the record, the example only said people are consuming more of her than ever, despite their statements that she is ridiculous and out-of-control...there were no songs played. No movies watched. No words coming close to anything risque....only in Utah County.

WATCH OUT TIMPVIEW....MS. HAMMER IS HERE TO STEAL THE VIRTUE OF YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS!!!!





9) Juniors: So J. and M., whom you have already heard tale of, are my two long-haired punks. On picture day Jackson walks in with a neck brace, head wrap and slip, which was concerning as the day before he had been 100% a-okay. 

Me: J.! Are you okay what happened?!

NOT ACTUALLY J.

J.: Ms. Hammer, it's picture day.

Me: Yeah...so...

J.: It's PICTURE day.

I then looked over at M. who had decided to style his lovely locks into two pixie ponies right on top of his head...I want those pictures...BAD!





That's all I can remember for now. But there will be more!