Wrapping up 2013

So I kind of fell off the planet there at the end of the year. But let me assure you...I was laughing my butt off every day of it. Here are a few last highlights of good ole 2013:

1) Age of Accountability:

So in 11th grade we have been reading The Crucible about the Salem Witch Trials. The kids seemed to like it a LOT better than our previous two units. Anyway, one day we were having a class debate on the topic of whether Abigail Williams should be pitied for her actions or condemned. There was a good volley going back and forth on both sides of the debate when one student rose his hand and said, "Ms. Hammer. Abigail definitely knew what she was doing and should be condemned."

"Oh really?" I respond. "And what gives you that impression?"

"Ms. Hammer, she's reached the age of accountability."

"What? No she hasn't, she's not 18 yet."

"That's not the age of accountability Ms. Hammer."

Caught of guard "What?"

With a smirk, "Eight."

It took me a second and then I burst out laughing. So did my professor who was observing that period

"You are a spaz. Moving on..."

2) My Achey, Breaky Heart

So I had been put on this medication that among other things had the side effect of lowering blood pressure. Well, I have a fairly low resting heart rate to begin with, but after a few weeks of taking this medication, I noticed I felt lethargic and that more and more I was getting dizzy and light-headed. Well, finally I decided I should probably get that checked out. So I went to the urgent care, who sent me to the E.R.

Basically...my heart was like barely beating...something like 43 BPM, which is less bueno as far as beating hearts go, unless you are Lance Armstrong...which, CLEARLY, I am not.

Anyways, I went in and got fixed up, but while I was sitting there, from outside my curtain, I hear an all too familiar voice. Uh-Oh. A hand pushes aside the curtain and who should appear but my ex-boyfriend who works as a tech in the E.R...Awesome...I am soooo glad you have come to call when I am lying half-dead in a hospital gown sans bra. Fan-freaking-tastic.

Well, the next day I go to class and I tell my students the awfulness of my weekend and how I almost died and my 8th period (my little cannibals) pipe up and say, "so your heart wasn't beating?! Dude, we saved your life!!!"

"What are you talking about?"

"we stress you out and make your heart beat faster and we saved your life!!!"

"Uhh..."

"You're welcome."

3) Twerking Puritans

Another funny moment while discussing The Crucible went something like this. In Puritanical society, it was considered scandalous to do pretty much anything that wasn't work. So dancing with fellow chicas in the woods, was pretty much the most foul thing these religious fanatics could fathom.

Then a kid raises his hand.

"Yes?" I asked.

"sooo....you're saying, they were twerking in the FOREST!!!!??"

"..uhhh...." I stalled, looking around as people started to perk up in response to a reference they recognized..."yes...they were twerking in the forest"

"AWESOME!!!!" students started murmuring amongst themselves...

"That means Abigail is TOTALLY like Miley Cyrus"

"She be ratchet!"

"Yup, they are totally the same..."

I am so sorry Arthur Miller...