The Wrong Em-PHA-sis on the Wrong Syl-LA-ble

In my Freshman class, we have just started reading Romeo & Juliet, every student's favorite thing we do all year....if by favorite you mean a form rigorous and repeated torture...Anywho, I do my best to inject as much passion and excitement into the play as is humanly possible to make it at least a loud form of torture, if nothing else.

Well, at one point we started talking about what it meant to be a star-crossed lover and I said, "there was nothing they could do! They were FATED to love each other!" 

Three or four students immediately started giggling and I knew in that instant I was experiencing another of what I like to call a "Lesson in Lingo." Basically, as I get older and more and more removed from being a high school student myself, I become more and more out of touch with the new slang words and then get mocked by sassy-pants 14 year-olds. It's awesome.

So anyway, these kids are giggling and I realize it's not going to stop so I ask, "what did I say?" 

They giggle louder.

"Seriously, what did I say?" 

"You said, FADED!" 

"Faded? I said FATED"

"It sounds like faded....snicker, snicker, snicker..."

"Well what the crap does "faded" mean?"

The students looked around at each other hesitantly.

"It means you are high."

"What the crap? Really? You are my only class to say that all day....hmmm....what does that say about you?"

The giggle some more and I roll my eyes.

Punks.   

There's a Miley Cyrus Song for That!

So one of my students walked into class and, as today is end of term, I started hounding him about last minute assignments. Apparently teaching has made me immune to certain details, because as I was speaking he took out his earbuds and said, "don't worry, I can hear you. They're not plugged in." (Clearly I am used to being half-ignored during all interactions with teenagers at this point because I hadn't even noticed). Well, I looked down under his jacket and sure enough there was the end of the cord flopping around and no iPod, iPad, iPhone, iSpaceMonkey contraption in sight.

At this point, I paused my lecture and posed the question, "ummm....why do you have earbuds if you aren't listening to anything?"

To which he responded, "Cause I don't want to talk to anyone, so then they think I can't hear them and I can ignore them."

After locking this technique away for future use on obnoxious students, I delved further into the void, "But you are such a likable guy and people love talking to you!?"

"I know..." (Clearly his anti-social behavior was not linked to any 'my-teenage-life-is-an-emo-tragedy' issues) "but do you ever have those days where you just don't feel like talking to people? It's like....it's like my life is usually that happy Miley Cyrus song and I'm all, 'I put my hands up!' But today....today came at me 'like a wrecking ball.'"

I am so glad my students can pull from the great artistic geniuses of their day to help them express those things that are just too difficult to express in any other way :)

Wrapping up 2013

So I kind of fell off the planet there at the end of the year. But let me assure you...I was laughing my butt off every day of it. Here are a few last highlights of good ole 2013:

1) Age of Accountability:

So in 11th grade we have been reading The Crucible about the Salem Witch Trials. The kids seemed to like it a LOT better than our previous two units. Anyway, one day we were having a class debate on the topic of whether Abigail Williams should be pitied for her actions or condemned. There was a good volley going back and forth on both sides of the debate when one student rose his hand and said, "Ms. Hammer. Abigail definitely knew what she was doing and should be condemned."

"Oh really?" I respond. "And what gives you that impression?"

"Ms. Hammer, she's reached the age of accountability."

"What? No she hasn't, she's not 18 yet."

"That's not the age of accountability Ms. Hammer."

Caught of guard "What?"

With a smirk, "Eight."

It took me a second and then I burst out laughing. So did my professor who was observing that period

"You are a spaz. Moving on..."

2) My Achey, Breaky Heart

So I had been put on this medication that among other things had the side effect of lowering blood pressure. Well, I have a fairly low resting heart rate to begin with, but after a few weeks of taking this medication, I noticed I felt lethargic and that more and more I was getting dizzy and light-headed. Well, finally I decided I should probably get that checked out. So I went to the urgent care, who sent me to the E.R.

Basically...my heart was like barely beating...something like 43 BPM, which is less bueno as far as beating hearts go, unless you are Lance Armstrong...which, CLEARLY, I am not.

Anyways, I went in and got fixed up, but while I was sitting there, from outside my curtain, I hear an all too familiar voice. Uh-Oh. A hand pushes aside the curtain and who should appear but my ex-boyfriend who works as a tech in the E.R...Awesome...I am soooo glad you have come to call when I am lying half-dead in a hospital gown sans bra. Fan-freaking-tastic.

Well, the next day I go to class and I tell my students the awfulness of my weekend and how I almost died and my 8th period (my little cannibals) pipe up and say, "so your heart wasn't beating?! Dude, we saved your life!!!"

"What are you talking about?"

"we stress you out and make your heart beat faster and we saved your life!!!"

"Uhh..."

"You're welcome."

3) Twerking Puritans

Another funny moment while discussing The Crucible went something like this. In Puritanical society, it was considered scandalous to do pretty much anything that wasn't work. So dancing with fellow chicas in the woods, was pretty much the most foul thing these religious fanatics could fathom.

Then a kid raises his hand.

"Yes?" I asked.

"sooo....you're saying, they were twerking in the FOREST!!!!??"

"..uhhh...." I stalled, looking around as people started to perk up in response to a reference they recognized..."yes...they were twerking in the forest"

"AWESOME!!!!" students started murmuring amongst themselves...

"That means Abigail is TOTALLY like Miley Cyrus"

"She be ratchet!"

"Yup, they are totally the same..."

I am so sorry Arthur Miller...